non-fiction
Hi.Listening to techno music and radio about it. Could I buy a loft in Detroit? I heard is cheap there. Trying to forget reasons to why make music and will start working on it from now. I’m really into tech. Have always been.
16th of January. Every night before i go to bed i try to find a not so good review of the new album, and i get what i ask for. I am not saying i am a genius of any kind, but my goal has been to make ‘new’ music, and from my knowledge about new music through the history it has not been well received at any early stage. I must say, I cant speak of if the record is worth anything, but I have a feeling it is going to keep growing. For whatever that is worth. Purpose? Like myself better? Probably. Treating myself with music that comforts me? Yes. Getting people to like what I do? Sure. It is a narrow path the creativity. Am I doing this for some higher good, or is it to boost my ego? I don’t know, I never know that.
For the very very interested. At some points, i have compared the belief in god to the fact that you instead can have that relation to music. And you feel as small compared to the music as the believer feel compared to god. The important questions are similar. Can I believe in the infinite possibilities of music and would it really be wise give all my soul to it? I find it hard to explain, but ive had a similar relation to music to the way people describe their relation to god and the supernatual. The same disappointment that can strike a believer when she finds out there might not be anything more, can strike you when you start to fear music isnt infinite and in a wider perspective, good. The search of this, is my motor in music. I am not close to reaching it and the music has not reached the level of flying by itself. The polyvinyl website, my american record label, says it is finally my master piece. Probably because it slipped my tounge at some point, wanting it to be true. It is not. The album ‘Dear John’ is a work in progress, all my music is a work in progress, and hopefully it can mean something to me and to others. Probably in a frozen moment, someone listening to a certain song on a record or if we manage to strike a song on a certain concert in a certain way. Most times it not that way. The album is the work of a fairly young person, learning music. Hopefully it can be a good start into something more complex and more alive. Keep this in mind when you listen and when you review it. Im not close yet.
Sometimes when i lie in bed (I do most of my thinking either in bed or in the shower) i get vertigo when thinking of different musical intervals and situations. The third and fifth can sometimes feel so close to the first note and other times like a high towers to can fall from. The third note has for the last years been my saviour. Keeping your life tied to such a narrow thing as an interval brings you problems, and makes you wonder if it is sane. Other times it sooths sooths sooths and brings everything to a meaning. Compare to thinking of someone that might actually not exist at all and that doesnt talk to you?
This does sound very head up in own arse, but it actually matters. I hope this is more of a surface for further discussions that an explanation of its own. I am not yet a writer and hope someone can help to explain. Im not halfway there. / Emil
29th DEC 2008. Kidz. We are coming closer to the whatever we should call it. This is me on the picture. My royal photographer took it. Suits me very fine. I had a marvellous time in New York in december. Thank you every single person I met and talked to. I just read I said somewhere i aimed for a masterpiece with this record. It turned out pretty ok. Aim for the stars… Im decently satisfied with the results but rather hope its a good stop on the way to making more (fill in suitable words here) music, for whatever reason that is. It makes me feel good. when i create something new. I guess i’d put it that way. If you see me on stage in january. Ask me to play the song violent.
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you came over, you came to my head. And I never knew no one like you. I never knew no one like you. And with your voice, you kept me slumbering from unease. And you took me to the other side. And I never knew no one like you. With you inside my ears, with your words print to my hands. And its so hard to change, from wrong to everything O.K. Its so hard to change, when everything turns to you. I was your treasure, and you gave me names. You said never let no one get close, and I never knew no one like you. You came to know me, and all my dirty sides. And you took me over to your side, and I never knew no one like you. With you inside my ears, with your words print to my hands. And its so hard to change, from wrong to everything O.K. Its so hard to change, when everything turns to you. Violence, come closer. Believe in me. I’m rowing, on a sea so wide. Dove into a river, wider than we had seen. And you, you.
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26th of June. Im starting to get that good Loney, Noir feeling about the record. Its a bit darker, dark glowing red, blue and green. Perhaps yellow. Im actually in the phase of finishing it all. Still a lot to think about but it feels like im getting there. Dont know if its a real deadline but now im working towards the deadline 11th of august. seems very reasonable.
18TH of MAY. The Rolling stone haldern tour.
18 MARCH. Could this possibly be the last day ever? Im not depressed or anything i just find it very difficult to see a continue to this day. My girlfriend is away working daytime and im all alone in my apartment and dont really know what to do with the time. I must have lost the sense of music from all the touring. Im about to try to finish the album the next month. Thought i was finished with a song but dearest friend oscar called me last night (was he drunk?) and handed me the critics. All in a very kind way but all so true. Dear John is gonna be the last album in the full colour style. I don’t see a possible way to go after this, and im not even sure it is gonna be good. Even if i sometimes think it might be fantastic. But i guess not. Its quite difficult to see the point with it all. We agreed yesterday it all about being happy (and i added make other people happy occasionally), much harder to do it it real life. Im in that strange situation, i dont have job, i work with my hobby. God knows for how long though, if it goes like it is going now. Got to do something soon. i the meantime ill do my best to finish the album, always something. Here what it is up to now; “Everything turns to you”, “You you you”, “Under a silent sea”, “Harsh words”, “I got lost”, “I fell asleep in the lions mouth”, “Titans”, “Airport surroundings”. working on song “summers” and i hope to get a reply from andreas (wildbirds and peacedrums) with his addings to a drum part to a song. I realise some of them are pretty damn good, but still dont know why im doing this. I actually look forward to the tour in may, cant wait to see berlin. Feel free to mail me flat things. Näckrosvägen 28, 16937 Solna, SWEDEN.
Charles Ives (1874-1954). Unknown during lifetime, worked as a insurance salesman. (Next part from wikipedia) His works have dissonance, which comes from untrained voices singing a hymn together. some voices straining and sharpening the pitch, others just missing and flattening the pitch, creating a cluster of tones instead of a single tone. In addition, Charles Ives’ music has polyrhythm, which comes from untrained voices singing a hymn together. some voices were slightly ahead of the beat while others lagged behind. Finally, Charles Ives’ music has polytonality which comes from two bands in a parade, each playing a different tune in a different key.
